disgruntledgurl

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About disgruntledgurl

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  1. Character Strengths Consider the positive character strengths you already possess in the following areas: Emotional: Healthy feelings or affective responses to one's self and others (e.g., I am able to feel and express my love for my spouse and my children). _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ Spiritual: The good ways one relates to God (e.g., I have a strong commitment to my Higher Power*). _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ Relational: Positive and supportive interaction with others (e.g., I have a healthy friendship with Robert). _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ Moral: Proper ethics and behavior in thoughts and actions (e.g., I have a clear conscience concerning my business affairs). _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ Intellectual: Quality attention and engery devoted to mental activities (e.g., I devote time to reading and study). _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ Self-care/Nurturing: Healthy concern and care for self (e.g., I take time to go fishing). _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ Additional Inventory Use the space believe to list the strengths and weaknesses you did not list in your Step-Four inventory. Strengths _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ Weaknesses _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________ *originally "to Jesus Christ" The Twelve Steps - A Spiritual Journey A Working Guide for Healing --end "Step Four" ... p.81-95
  2. Inappropriately Expressed Sexuality We have learned to think of our sexual feelings as unnatural or abnormal. Because it is awkward to share our feelings with others, we have no opportunity to develop a healthy attitude about our own sexuality. As small children, we may have explored our physical sexuality with peers and then been punished severely. The message was "sex is dirty, is not talked about, and is to be avoided." Some of us saw our parents as very disapproving or even as totally nonsexual beings. We may have been molested by a parent or close relative who was out of control. As a result, we are uncomfortable in our sexual roles. We do not freely discuss sex with our partners for fear of being misunderstood and abandoned. As parents, we may avoid discussing sexuality with our children and deny their need for developing a sexual identity. Due to inappropriately expressed sexuality we may: * Lose our sense of morality * Be frigid or impotent * Be lustful * Avoid intimacy * Seduce others * Feel guilt and shame List situations where inappropriately expressed sexuality is a problem for you. Example: I inappropriately express my sexuality when my spouse wants intimacy because I feel dirty and unlovable. This affects our relationship. This activates my resentment and anger toward my spouse for not understanding, consequently I hate myself for being this way. This makes me feel lonely. I inappropriately express my sexuality _________________________________________________________________ I inappropriately express my sexuality _________________________________________________________________ I inappropriately express my sexuality _________________________________________________________________ I inappropriately express my sexuality _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does inappropriately expressed sexuality negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  3. Irresponsibility In childhood, life was so chaotic we felt that nothing we did mattered. The models we had were untrustworthy and irresponsible, so we didn't know what was normal. The expectations placed on us were beyond our ability to achieve. We couldn't be what everyone wanted us to be, so we quit trying. Rather than compete with successful siblings, we unplugged, we gave up. As adults, we were irresponsible. We wait for things to change before we begin to take initiative. We believe life has been so unfair to us that we don't claim responsibility for our present condition. We are overwhelmed by our problems, but don't know how we can make a difference. When we are irresponsible, we may: * Become detached * Appear uncaring * Feel like victims * Expect others to take care of us * Under-achieve * Have false pride Consider situations where irresponsibility is a problem for you. Example: I behave irresponsibly when too much is expected of me because I know that I can't do what my family wants. This affects my self-esteem. I want to isolate and hide. This activates my resentment and anger. I hate these people for expecting this of me. This makes me feel guilty and afraid. I behave irresponsibly _________________________________________________________________ I behave irresponsibly _________________________________________________________________ I behave irresponsibly _________________________________________________________________ I behave irresponsibly _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does irresponsibility negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  4. Overdeveloped Sense of Responsibility As children in a dysfunctional home, we felt responsible for our parents' problems. We tried to be "model children" and arrange things the way we thought others wanted them to be. We believed that we were responsible for the emotions and actions of others -- even for the outcome of events. Today we remain supersensitive to the needs of others, and we try to assume responsibility for helping them get their needs met. It is important for us to be perfect. We volunteer to do things so people will appreciate us. Our sense of responsibility causes us to overcommit, and we have a tendency to take on more than we can handle effectively. When we are too responsible, we may: * Take life too seriously * Be perfectionists * Over-achieve * Manipulate others * Appear rigid * Have false pride List situations where overdeveloped sense of responsibility is a problem for you. Example: I feel overly responsible when things aren't going well at work because I think it's my fault. This affects my health. I'm extremely tense and I get headaches. This activates my resentment and anger. I hate these people for letting me do all the work. This makes me feel guilty. I feel overly responsible _________________________________________________________________ I feel overly responsible _________________________________________________________________ I feel overly responsible _________________________________________________________________ I feel overly responsible _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does overdeveloped sense of responsibility negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  5. Low Self-Esteem Low self-esteem is rooted in our early childhood. During this time we were rarely encouraged to believe that we were adequate or important. Because of the constant criticism, we believed that we were "bad" and the cause of many family problems. To feel accepted, we tried harder to please. The harder we tried, the more frustrated we became. Low self-esteem affects our ability to set and achieve goals. We are afraid to take risks. We feel responsible for things that go wrong, and when something goes right, we do not give ourselves credit. Instead, we feel undeserving and believe it is not going to last. When we experience low self-esteem, we may: * Rescue or please others * Have negative self-image * Isolate from others * Appear inadequate * Be non-assertive * Fear failure List situations where low self-esteem is a problem for you. Example: I feel low self-esteem when I'm asked to speak in front of others because I believe everyone knows how worthless and unimportant I feel inside. This affects my ability to speak intelligently. U mumble, make excuses, and apologize for myself. This makes me feel hopeless. I feel low self-esteem _________________________________________________________________ I feel low self-esteem _________________________________________________________________ I feel low self-esteem _________________________________________________________________ I feel low self-esteem _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does low self-esteem negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  6. Isolation We usually find it safer to withdraw from surroundings that are uncomfortable for us. By isolating ourselves, we prevent others from seeing us as we really are. We tell ourselves that we are not worthy and, therefore, do not deserve love, attention, or acceptance. We also tell ourselves that we cannot be punished or hurt if we don't express our feelings. Rather than take risks, we choose to hide, thereby eliminating the need to face a certain outcome. When we isolate ourselves, we may: * Fear rejection * Be timid and shy * Feel defeated * Be lonely * Procrastinate * See ourselves as different List situations where isolation is a problem. Example: I isolate from my spouse because he/she is so negative toward me. This affects my self-esteem. This activates my negative self-talk and anger. This makes me feel worthless and stupid. I isolate _________________________________________________________________ I isolate _________________________________________________________________ I isolate _________________________________________________________________ I isolate _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does isolation negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  7. Frozen Feelings Many of us have difficulty expressing our feelings or even realizing that we have them. We harbor deep emotional pain and a sense of guilt and shame. As children, our feelings were met with disapproval, anger, and rejection. For survival purposes, we learned to hide our feelings or repress them entirely. As adults, we are not in touch with our feelings. We can only allow ourselves to have "acceptable" feelings to stay "safe." Our true nature is distorted so we can protect ourselves from the reality of what is truly happening. Distorted and repressed feelings cause resentment, anger, and depression, which often lead to physical illness. When we have frozen feelings, we may: * Be unaware of our feelings * Struggle with relationships * Be depressed * Become ill * Have distorted feelings * Withhold conversation List situations where frozen feelings are a problem for you. Example: I repress my feelings toward my spouse because I don't want to be hurt. This affects my actions and limits my ability to communicate with my spouse. This activates my need to isolate and causes me to be accused of being insensitive and unaffectionate. This makes me feel very isolated and lonely. I repress my feelings _________________________________________________________________ I repress my feelings _________________________________________________________________ I repress my feelings _________________________________________________________________ I repress my feelings _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much do frozen feelings negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  8. Fear of Authority Figures Fear of people in roles of authority can be a result of our parents' unrealistic expectations of us -- wanting us to be more than we were able to be. We see people in authority as having unrealistic expectations of us and thus, we fear we cannot meet their expectations. We are unable to deal with people whom we perceive as being in positions of power. Simple assertiveness displayed by others is often misinterpreted by us as anger. This can cause us to feel intimidated and to become oversensitive. No matter how competent we are, we compare ourselves to others and conclude that we are inadequate. As a result, we constantly compromise our integrity in order to avoid confrontation and criticism. Fear of authority figures, may cause us to: * Compare ourselves to others * React rather than act * Take things personally * Feel inadequate * Fear rejection * Be arrogant List situations where authority figures is a problem for you. Example: I fear my boss because I don't want her to know how incompetent I feel. This affects my actions when I am around her. This activates me need to isolate -- I try to be unnoticed. This makes me feel childish and immature. I fear _________________________________________________________________ I fear _________________________________________________________________ I fear _________________________________________________________________ I fear _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does fear of authority figures negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  9. Fear of Abandonment Fear of abandonment is a reaction to stress that we developed in early childhood. As children, we observed unpredictable behavior from responsible adults. We never knew from one day to the next if our parents would be there for us. Many of us were abandoned either physically or emotionally. As our parents' addictions increased in severity, their inability to parent also increased. As children, we simply were not important. As adults, we are inclined to choose partners with whom we can repeat this pattern. We try to be perfect by meeting all our partner's needs in order to avoid experiencing the pain of abandonment. Our need to reduce the possibility of abandonment take precedence over dealing with issues or conflicts. This behavior produces a tense environment of poor communication. When we fear abandonment, we may: * Feel insecure * Become caretakers * Worry excessively * Feel rejected * Become co-dependent * Avoid being alone List situations where fear of abandonment is a problem for you. Example: I fear abandonment by my husband because he doesn't pay much attention to me. This affects my peace of mind. This activates my caretaking and manipulation of him. This makes me feel very frightened and vulnerable. I fear abandonment _________________________________________________________________ I fear abandonment _________________________________________________________________ I fear abandonment _________________________________________________________________ I fear abandonment _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does fear of abandonment negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  10. Control As children, we had little or no control over our environment or the events that took place in our lives. As adults, we have extraordinary needs to control our feelings and behavior, and we try to control the feelings and behavior of others. We become rigid and unable to have spontaneity in our lives. We trust only ourselves to complete a task or to handle a situation. We manipulate others in order to gain their approval and keep a balance of control that makes us feel safe. We fear that our lives will deteriorate if we give up our management position. We become stressed and anxious when our authority is threatened. Due to our need to control, we may: * Overreact to change * Lack trust * Be judgmental and rigid * Manipulate others * Fear failure * Be intolerant List situations of control is a problem for you. Example: I attempt to control my nineteen-year-old son because I am afraid of losing him. This affects my communication with him. This activates my fear of abandonment. This makes me feel very frightened and powerless. I attempt to control _________________________________________________________________ I attempt to control _________________________________________________________________ I attempt to control _________________________________________________________________ I attempt to control _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does control negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  11. Caretaking As children, we frequently assumed the responsibility for concerns and problems of others that were far beyond our capability to handle. As a result, we were deprived of a normal childhood. The unrealistic demands placed on us, and the praise we received for being "little adults," made us believe we had Godlike powers. Taking care of others boosted our self-esteem and made us feel indispensable. It gave purpose to our lives. As caretakers, we are most comfortable with chaotic situations where others assure us that we are needed. Although we often resent others for taking and not giving, we are unable to allow others to care for us. We don't experience the joy of taking care of ourselves. As caretakers, we may: * Be co-dependent * Rescue people * Lose our identity * Feel very responsible * Ignore our own needs * Feel indispensable List situations where caretaking is a problem for you. Example: I take care of my boyfriend's financial problems because I want him to love me more. This affects available funds for my own financial needs. This activates my resentment and tendency to withdraw. This makes me feel very lonely. I take care of _________________________________________________________________ I take care of _________________________________________________________________ I take care of _________________________________________________________________ I take care of _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does caretaking negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  12. Approval Seeking Many of us fear disapproval or criticism. As children, we desperately wanted to receive approval from our parents, grandparents, siblings, and significant others. This rarely occurred for most of us. As a result, we constantly sought validation. This continued into adulthood and seriously affected the way we pattern our lives and thinking around the needs of others. Rather than look for approval in a positive way, we seek validation in order to feel better about ourselves and get people to like us. This keeps us out of touch with our own feelings and desires, and prevents us from discovering our own wants and needs. We look for reactions in others and attempt to manage their impression of us. We constantly strive to please everyone and often stay in relationships that are destructive to us. When we need approval from others, we may be: * People pleasing * Ignoring our own needs * Feeling unworthy * Fearing criticism * Fearing failure * Lacking confidence List situations where approval seeking is a problem for you. Example: I seek approval from my friends because I want to feel better about myself. This affects my relationship with my friends. This activates my fear of rejection. This makes me feel like I'm not important to anyone. I seek approval _________________________________________________________________ I seek approval _________________________________________________________________ I seek approval _________________________________________________________________ I seek approval _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does approval seeking negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  13. Repressed or Inappropriately Expressed Anger Anger is a major source of many problems in the lives of adults who were reared in chaotic homes. It is a feeling that we often suppress, because admitting it makes us uncomfortable. In our chaotic homes, the turmoil was so intense that we either denied our anger or expressed it inappropriately. We felt that it was safer to protect ourselves and simply hoped our feelings would go away. We were not aware that repressed anger could lead to serious resentment and depression. It causes physical complications that can develop into stress-related illnesses. Denying anger or expressing it inappropriately causes problems in relationships because we cannot be truthful about our feelings and must always be pretending. When we repress or inappropriately express anger, we may experience: * Resentment * Self-pity * Depression * Jealousy * Anxiety * Stress List situations where anger is a problem for you. Example: I inappropriately express anger toward my son because I am embarrassed by his behavior. This affects my self-worth. This activates my fear of rejection. This makes me feel incompetent as a parent. I inappropriately express anger _________________________________________________________________ I inappropriately express anger _________________________________________________________________ I inappropriately express anger _________________________________________________________________ I inappropriately express anger _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does anger negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  14. Fear Fear is an underlying cause of many forms of spiritual disease. It is the first response we feel when we aren't in control of a situation. A wide range of mental and physical ills are frequently the direct result of this unwholesome emotion. Fear often prevents us from seeing options to effectively resolve the issues causing the fear. Learning to acknowledge fear in a healthy way is an important part of our recovery process. When we fear, we may be: * Feeling threatened * Fighting for survival * Resisting change * Facing our mortality * Experiencing rejection * Anticipating loss List situations where fear is a problem for you. Example: I fear my spouce because I feel that I am never able to please him/her. This affects my self-esteem and sexuality. This activates my fear of abandonment. This makes me feel worthless and angry. I fear _________________________________________________________________ I fear _________________________________________________________________ I fear _________________________________________________________________ I fear _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does fear negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|
  15. Resentment Resentment is an underlying cause of many forms of spiritual disease. Our mental and physical ills are frequently the direct result of this unhealthy condition. No doubt others have harmed us, and we have a legitimate right to feel resentful. However, resentment doesn't punish anyone but ourselves. We can't hold resentments and find healing at the same time. It's best released by asking God for the strength to forgive the offender. Learning to deal with resentment in a healthy way is an important part of our recovery process. When we resent, we may be: * Feeling injured * Feeling violated * Feeling left out * Retaliating * Experiencing low self-worth * Angry or bitter List situations where resentment is a problem for you. Example: I resent my boss because he doesn't care to hear my explanation of why I am depressed. This affects me self-esteem. This activates unexpressed anger. This makes me feel even more depressed. I resent _________________________________________________________________ I resent _________________________________________________________________ I resent _________________________________________________________________ I resent _________________________________________________________________ Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does resentment negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today. |_1_|_2_|_3_|_4_|_5_|_6_|_7_|_8_|_9_|_10_|