legally_barb

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About legally_barb

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  1. You mentioned having spent a lot of time making lists - did that include making 3 separate amends lists? My sponsor had me categorize every person on my amends list as either "I can do this now", "I might be able to do this sometime" and "I am never going to be able to do this." This helped me a lot because then I just started with the people on the "I can do this now" list, which were not so big and scary. Then, after having completed those, the ones on the "I might be able to do this sometime list" did not seem so big and scary and I could move them over to the "I can do this now" list. Basically, so long as there was one on the "I can do this now" list, I could work on that one and not worry about any of the others. Any time I got stuck with no one on the "I can do this now" list, it was time to do some writing on someone on the "sometime" list - try to identify exactly what it is that is making you not want to make a particular amends (pride? fear? fear of what?). My sponsor also had me do writing on forgiveness for anyone on my list that I had resentments against and didn't want to make amends to because I still had unresolved anger for what I thought they had done to me. It definitely helped a lot to go over each amend with my sponsor before doing anything, and taking it in manageable bites also helped - kind of like how you don't worry aboug doing your 5th step until you've finished your 4th - you don't have to worry about your "nevers" until you've finished your "nows". Hope this helps.
  2. Thank you for your reply - I guess I wasn't clear enough in my initial post - I am actually on my nineth step. When I made my list of all persons I had harmed, I included absolutely everything I could think of, including "petty" things like I remember making fun of a kid when I was in 6th grade because he stuttered. Having been teased LOTS as a little kid, I absolutely KNOW what kind of harm that does! But when it actually comes to making the amends in step 9, part of me thinks "absolutely, you make amends for every harm you've ever caused in your life, period." But part of me thinks I need to be making amends for harms that I caused as an adult, or while in my disease, etc. There is no reference of Bill W. having gone back to childhood friends (or not-friends), making amends for every stupid thing he might have done as a kid (because he was a kid, not because he was a drunk). But I am a very literal person and when I read "made a list of ALL persons" and "made direct amends to such people", I worry that I'm not working a rigorously honest program if I don't do them all. So I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with this - asked the same questions, etc., and what they did or what advice they had received with regard to this.
  3. Question: what are everyone's experiences here on making amends for things done in childhood. I'm such a perfectionist and in thinking about "all people I have harmed", I remember things from childhood where I just wasn't a particularly nice kid on a particular day. Part of me says - you were a kid - this program is not about going back and somehow making right every little stupid thing you did just because you were a kid, but then another part of me says that "all persons" means "all persons" and if I did something as a kid, as a teenager, whenever, there are no exceptions. Any words of advice??? Thanks!