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cbentle1

Ready to admit I have "issues."

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This is the second time I've gone through the 12 steps, but my first attempt wasn't a dedicated one. I thought by devoting a day for reflection and application of each step individually would "fix" me. But, it didn't take long to realize I was no where near being "cured" or relieved of all my troubles. This time around, after many emotional pitfalls and after having reached a deeper emotional low, I'm ready to admit my powerlessness over my addictions. I really want to dedicate more time and effort to these steps and watch them transform the way I think. However, (and maybe it's like this for all people), I feel I have a collection of addictions, each one having a part in my overall dissatisfaction with life and my unhappiness. I'm addicted to getting attention, getting acceptance, to food, to drama, to sadness and fear, to negativity, to sex, to love, to codependency, to instant gratification, and probably many more. I can't really pinpoint the one major addiction or problem I have. I suppose that's something for me to come to terms with and that I'll hopefully come to understand through following the twelve steps. Any advice? At this point, I'm feeling fear, but I'm hopeful. I've wanted to change for so long and I always convince myself that I'm happy, that if I just do this or that, I'll be happy, my boyfriend won't get so fed up with my fear and drama and he won't leave me. I believe I've reached happiness, only to fall into the pits of mental hell two days later. I am truly powerless over my addictions.

 

-- cbentle1

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