Welcome, Guest
Username: Password: Remember me
  • Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Actually doing it

Actually doing it 1 year 9 months ago #49

  • cara
  • cara's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 9
  • Karma: 0
I seem to have spent a long time making lists on step 8. But the hardest thing has been in making the transition between thinking about it and actually doing something. A lot of the time it was diffficult to even figure out how I might have hurt anyone but having to go back to the scene of the crime is very scary for me. If I make a mistake I usually close the door and walk away for ever. The idea of trying to mend the tear is so foreign I find it hard to comprehend. As Yoda might say 'Much fear there is in me' and that makes me much more susceptable to the 'dark side'.
I know there is a lot of knowledge and experience on this site and I would like to tap into that, this is my hardest step to date.
So please help!
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Actually doing it 1 year 9 months ago #50

  • nia
  • nia's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 4
  • Karma: 0
The list from your fourth step and wisdom & insight you gleaned from the sharing of your fifth- usually is pretty comprehensive......the remaining work for me was how to become willing

- Blessings-
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Actually doing it 1 year 9 months ago #51

You mentioned having spent a lot of time making lists - did that include making 3 separate amends lists? My sponsor had me categorize every person on my amends list as either "I can do this now", "I might be able to do this sometime" and "I am never going to be able to do this." This helped me a lot because then I just started with the people on the "I can do this now" list, which were not so big and scary. Then, after having completed those, the ones on the "I might be able to do this sometime list" did not seem so big and scary and I could move them over to the "I can do this now" list. Basically, so long as there was one on the "I can do this now" list, I could work on that one and not worry about any of the others.

Any time I got stuck with no one on the "I can do this now" list, it was time to do some writing on someone on the "sometime" list - try to identify exactly what it is that is making you not want to make a particular amends (pride? fear? fear of what?). My sponsor also had me do writing on forgiveness for anyone on my list that I had resentments against and didn't want to make amends to because I still had unresolved anger for what I thought they had done to me.

It definitely helped a lot to go over each amend with my sponsor before doing anything, and taking it in manageable bites also helped - kind of like how you don't worry aboug doing your 5th step until you've finished your 4th - you don't have to worry about your "nevers" until you've finished your "nows".

Hope this helps.
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Actually doing it 1 year 9 months ago #52

  • cara
  • cara's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 9
  • Karma: 0
Thanks for the suggestions, I like the lists although one of my biggest problems is the way that I walk away from damaged relationships so I am just not in touch with a lot of people on my list. I am on my way to doing it now, making definite plans anyway.
The administrator has disabled public write access.
  • Page:
  • 1
Time to create page: 0.313 seconds