Overdeveloped Sense of Responsibility

As children in a dysfunctional home, we felt responsible for our parents' problems. We tried to be "model children" and arrange things the way we thought others wanted them to be. We believed that we were responsible for the emotions and actions of others -- even for the outcome of events. Today we remain supersensitive to the needs of others, and we try to assume responsibility for helping them get their needs met. It is important for us to be perfect. We volunteer to do things so people will appreciate us. Our sense of responsibility causes us to overcommit, and we have a tendency to take on more than we can handle effectively.

When we are too responsible, we may:

* Take life too seriously
* Be perfectionists
* Over-achieve
* Manipulate others
* Appear rigid
* Have false pride

List situations where overdeveloped sense of responsibility is a problem for you.

Example: I feel overly responsible when things aren't going well at work because I think it's my fault. This affects my health. I'm extremely tense and I get headaches. This activates my resentment and anger. I hate these people for letting me do all the work. This makes me feel guilty.

I feel overly responsible _________________________________________________________________

I feel overly responsible _________________________________________________________________

I feel overly responsible _________________________________________________________________

I feel overly responsible _________________________________________________________________

Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does overdeveloped sense of responsibility negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

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Irresponsibility

In childhood, life was so chaotic we felt that nothing we did mattered. The models we had were untrustworthy and irresponsible, so we didn't know what was normal. The expectations placed on us were beyond our ability to achieve. We couldn't be what everyone wanted us to be, so we quit trying. Rather than compete with successful siblings, we unplugged, we gave up. As adults, we were irresponsible. We wait for things to change before we begin to take initiative. We believe life has been so unfair to us that we don't claim responsibility for our present condition. We are overwhelmed by our problems, but don't know how we can make a difference.

When we are irresponsible, we may:

* Become detached
* Appear uncaring
* Feel like victims
* Expect others to take care of us
* Under-achieve
* Have false pride

Consider situations where irresponsibility is a problem for you.

Example: I behave irresponsibly when too much is expected of me because I know that I can't do what my family wants. This affects my self-esteem. I want to isolate and hide. This activates my resentment and anger. I hate these people for expecting this of me. This makes me feel guilty and afraid.

I behave irresponsibly _________________________________________________________________

I behave irresponsibly _________________________________________________________________

I behave irresponsibly _________________________________________________________________

I behave irresponsibly _________________________________________________________________

Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does irresponsibility negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

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Inappropriately Expressed Sexuality

We have learned to think of our sexual feelings as unnatural or abnormal. Because it is awkward to share our feelings with others, we have no opportunity to develop a healthy attitude about our own sexuality. As small children, we may have explored our physical sexuality with peers and then been punished severely. The message was "sex is dirty, is not talked about, and is to be avoided." Some of us saw our parents as very disapproving or even as totally nonsexual beings. We may have been molested by a parent or close relative who was out of control. As a result, we are uncomfortable in our sexual roles. We do not freely discuss sex with our partners for fear of being misunderstood and abandoned. As parents, we may avoid discussing sexuality with our children and deny their need for developing a sexual identity.

Due to inappropriately expressed sexuality we may:

* Lose our sense of morality
* Be frigid or impotent
* Be lustful
* Avoid intimacy
* Seduce others
* Feel guilt and shame

List situations where inappropriately expressed sexuality is a problem for you.

Example: I inappropriately express my sexuality when my spouse wants intimacy because I feel dirty and unlovable. This affects our relationship. This activates my resentment and anger toward my spouse for not understanding, consequently I hate myself for being this way. This makes me feel lonely.

I inappropriately express my sexuality _________________________________________________________________

I inappropriately express my sexuality _________________________________________________________________

I inappropriately express my sexuality _________________________________________________________________

I inappropriately express my sexuality _________________________________________________________________

Self evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does inappropriately expressed sexuality negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

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Character Strengths

Consider the positive character strengths you already possess in the following areas:

Emotional: Healthy feelings or affective responses to one's self and others (e.g., I am able to feel and express my love for my spouse and my children).

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

Spiritual: The good ways one relates to God (e.g., I have a strong commitment to my Higher Power*).

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

Relational: Positive and supportive interaction with others (e.g., I have a healthy friendship with Robert).

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

Moral: Proper ethics and behavior in thoughts and actions (e.g., I have a clear conscience concerning my business affairs).

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

Intellectual: Quality attention and engery devoted to mental activities (e.g., I devote time to reading and study).

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

Self-care/Nurturing: Healthy concern and care for self (e.g., I take time to go fishing).

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

Additional Inventory
Use the space believe to list the strengths and weaknesses you did not list in your Step-Four inventory.

Strengths

_________________________________________________________________

________________________________________ _________________________

__________________________________________ _______________________

____________________________________________ ______ _______________


Weaknesses

_________________________________________________________________

__________________________ _______________________________________

____________________________ _____________________________________

______________________________ ______ _____________________________



*originally "to Jesus Christ"


The Twelve Steps - A Spiritual Journey
A Working Guide for Healing
--end "Step Four" ... p.81-95

Hi;
I found this to be the best thing that ever happened to me, seemed like i could only go so far with the 12 steps in A.A. This opened up my life, and let me see.
yfir
Ron