Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
How It Works
This is perhaps difficult, especially discussing our defects with another person. We think we have done
well enough in admitting these things to ourselves. There is doubt about that. In actual practice,
we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient. Many of us thought it necessary to go much
further. We will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with another person when we see good
reasons why we should do so. The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome
drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives.
Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they
got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think
the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right,
but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism
and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of
humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told
someone else all their life story.
-A.A. Big Book p.72-73
More about Step 5 in the Big Book
Comments from Web Sites and Publications
Having taken my personal inventory in step 4, I am now ready to share that inventory.
I share it with my God, with myself and with another human being. This allows my history to
become more real with me. It begins to become in my mind what it truly is, namely
"my history". By sharing it with another person, I begin to pull down the fake
truths of my life - the facades and the games - and I begin to be who I truly
am and build my life with others on the basis of honesty and truth.
- From 12Step.org
All of A.A.'s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires ... they all deflate
our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. But scarcely any
Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace of mind than this one.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 55
Some people seek an easier and softer way by doing a "general confession" to God alone. They are not about
to name specifically the humiliating, "awful" thinks they have done out loud before another human being.
But this act of specifically confessing things is what often leads to serenity. The more afraid you are to
tell about a certain act or thought in your Fifth Step, the more likely it is that confessing that particular
thing will put a new crack in your denial and free you in a new area. There doesn't seem to be an easier, softer
way, and people who seek one apparently don't understand the tenacious and tricky nature of this spiritual
disease we are facing. Step Five is to help us see, to grasp, to understand specifically how the disease has
permeated our lives in ways we usually cannot see any other way.
- A Hunger for Healing, p. 91-92
The Fifth Step is the key to freedom. It allows us to live clean in the here and now. Sharing the exact nature
of our wrongs sets us free to live. After taking a thorough Fourth Step, we have to deal with what we have
found in our inventory. We are told that if we keep these defects inside us, they will lead us back to using.
Holding on to our past would eventually sicken us and keep us from taking part in this new way of life. If we
are not honest when we take a Fifth Step, we will have the same negative results that dishonesty brought us in the past.
...Our Higher Power will be with us when we do this, and will help to free us from the fear of facing ourselves and
another human being. It seemed unnecessary to some of us to admit the exact nature of our wrongs to our Higher Power.
"God already knows that stuff", we rationalized. Although He already knows, the admission must come from our own
lips to be truly effective. Step Five is not simply a reading of Step Four.
- Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text, Chapter 4/Step 5
This may be one of the most challenging steps we face in our recovery process, but it can also be one
of the most fulfilling in terms of removing us from our isolation. In order to accomplish Step 5, the
three-part sharing it endorses must take place. That is, all of what we discovered about ourselves in our Step 4
inventory is to be freely admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being.
...Because these areas are so sensitive and so very personal, it is important to exercise care in
choosing the person or persons with whom we formally share our fifth step. Such individuals should be
trustworthy and somewhat detached from the situations about which we will share. For example,
one would not usually calll on a spouse or immediate family member to hear this confession. In fact,
it is quite common to choose a therapist or pastoral counselor for this purpose. Also, such individuals
should be compassionate, not condemning.
- Serenity, A Companion for Twelve Step Recovery, p. 45,46
In our forums, you can read about how others have worked step 5, or share your own experiences about working step 5. The audio section also has examples of people sharing about how step 5 worked for them.
To share your own experiences in the forums, you first need to sign up for free membership.