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jonesg last won the day on October 30 2016

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  1. I just told people the truth. This is why I am here ,this is what I did and I harmed you. I was insane and didn't know it and often didn't care even if I did. Can you forgive me. Its got nothing to do with anything else. If I amend the constitution it doesn't mean I merely apologize for the current state, its got more to do with change. Telling those I harmed the truth, the real truth, that was a real change. The results and responses I got from people were amazing. I tried to do it like Dr Bob , he made almost all his amends in one day, he made the rounds, so once I got on a roll I find its best to stay on it.
  2. Hi Grace, the defects in the steps are ; 1. selfishness 2.dishonesty 3.self seeking and 4. frightened (or state of fear). What you have written are symptoms of defects but not the defects themselves. I would ask if you can identify how those symptoms (love isn't a defect, hate is) trace back to their root cause (the 4 defects). I found failure to do so left defects in place because I couldn't see them, its not possible to throw the trash out if you can't see it. My shrink monitored my progress through the steps but I used an experienced step sponsor, I could BS a shrink and he wouldn't even know because without an experienced sponsor I wouldn't know when I was lying to myself. -- jonesg
  3. Just wanted to tell you, I know that feeling quite vividly, and I recall 'some' people in AA saying the pink cloud will dissapear. But that feeling has never gone away, its not a pink cloud, its real as the living God. And God doesn't go away. Keep going, it gets even better.
  4. What became clear to me wasn't the secrets I kept from everyone else, the dangerous ones were those I kept from myself. I had trouble trying to do my 4th too but I realized its not a self help prgram and I sought help. The directions are very clear in the Big Book, we listed resentments. Only an alkie/addict could make that confusing. And so I did. It was explained to me that "listed" means to write in vertical fashion, the mistake I had made was not listing. I'd write a resentment but continue across the columns because thats what the example in the Book shows, but the example in the Book is already completed and I couldn't see how it was developed. I thought I was supposed to do it so it looked like that but the directions say otherwise. By the time I had completed the next columns I had already forgot the next resentment. So it was important to complete that resentment list before looking for the next direction. Doing it in thus fashion (by the Book) allows it to develop and the truth becomes obvious. A freind told me her sponsor told her to write down the name every person she could recall, she had a resentment list with 2000 names. I'll say this, if its not in the Big Book its opinion and probably bs. So I stick with what the Book says, its so simple. -- jonesg
  5. I showed my sponsor some pdf files to help with the 4th step I got from hazeldon's website, he calls that stuff "suicide sheets", he's quiant. What amazed me was how clear the directions in the Big Book are, I had been trying to self sponsor and was hopelessly lost and confused by those clear directions. The directions say Make a list of resentments, going back over your life. Theres nothing else required until that list is done, a few hrs at the most. I also learned procrastination is defiance, which makes step 3 a lie, so I had to get down to it and then (finally) it took no time. I had been jumping around in the directions, looking for a shortcut to see the answer . So a guide in the form of a sponsor was invaluable, it was like driving around the freeways of LA without a map and claiming the roads don't make sense. I did plenty of that. -- jonesg
  6. The only way I knew I had worked step 3 was by doing my 4th step. Failure to complete the 4th step, per outlined in the Big Book, ommiting nothing and especially not complicating it by inventing directions which aren't there, any failure to comply with the simple directions means step 3 was a lie....or was true but became a lie, because it was agreed that I would go to any length. -- jonesg
  7. Hi Grace, step 2 is a question, a very simple yes or no answer , per the instructions in the Big Book . Its on page 47 "We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. 'Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" That is step 2, what we see on the 12 step posters in meetings is not the step 2 question but an after the fact declaration or description, but formally taking the steps requires the directions from the Book. What amazed me about the steps was their simplicity, I couldn't believe they would work. So I complicated them to the point you couldn't recognize them and thats a good way to ensure it won't work. One thing that I recall is I was told step 2 doesn't say you will come to figure out or you will come to understand. Yet there I was analyzing it to shreds. 'Came to believe' is what happened by step 10, there was nothing to believe in step 2, nothing had changed ...yet. In other words, the rest of the steps make step 2 come true. -- jonesg
  8. "But why cannot the healing be instantaneous?? " For some it truly is, see the story of the man on the bed in the Big Book, he took up his bed and walked. But he did have to continue making his amends in the following days. My own experience was very similar. I wrote my 4th step out and visited my sponsor, we went through 1-2-3 in 5 minutes just as a recap then step 5 as I read my 4th to him, with him doing a bit of guiding but mostly listening. The next day we went through 6-7-8 and I started making amends on the spot with a cellphone, that got me rolling. History tells the same story, thats exactly how they did it in the early yrs. Page 282 in the Big Book, Earl T goes through the steps with Doctor Bob on the doctors afternoon off. Thats how its supposed to work. -- jonesg
  9. Hi Ebony, If you could control it you wouldn't be addicted, thats what the word means, loss of control. Theres a world of ignorance out there when dealing with people who have never been addicted, they don't know what we deal with. If you aren't powerless go ahead drink and do drugs, then just stop when you want. If you can't do that you are powerless. I had a GREAt doctor, I loved the guy but he said I must always realize I will be recovering for the rest of my life. I told him, no I have recovered, I am restored to sanity. I worked the steps and got the results promised. Funny thing is he sent me to AA and recommended I really try doing what they prescribed (work the steps) and there he was trying to water down the results. I pointed it out to him in the Big Book "We have recovered". I left him my copy of the Book and haven't seen him since. They don't know, how could they.? They aren't the experts because they lack any experience. They can help sort out your emotions but thats their limit, they will not allow God in the room. Realize their human limitations, human power isn't sufficient. Its important that you take control of your recovery, make your own decisions, that includes whether you will surrender or not. No human, regardless of their medical qualifications, has the right to make that decision for you. Why don't you just try and work the steps, what could it hurt? -- jonesg
  10. "I am still struggling with what a good definition for manageability is in my life" For me, unmanageability is what I get when I try running my own life. God manages me so much better than I. Step 3 wasn't a temporary arrangement til I felt better, its a lifetime deal and I'm happy with that. -- jonesg